Qui-Gon Jinn is often remembered as one of the calmest and most spiritually grounded Jedi in the Order. But when he was first chosen as a Padawan, that confidence didn’t exist yet. In fact, Qui-Gon was openly afraid.
That fear appears at the very beginning of his apprenticeship, during his first private meeting with Count Dooku.
Dooku’s First Impression of Qui-Gon
In Master and Apprentice by Claudia Gray, Qui-Gon Jinn’s first meeting with Count Dooku is quiet, brief, and deeply uncomfortable.
Qui-Gon is only twelve years old. Just the day before, he was still living in the Jedi creche, joking with his friends and imagining the adventures he would one day have as a Jedi. Now, he stands alone in Dooku’s quarters, freshly given the traditional Padawan haircut, suddenly aware that his life has changed forever.
Dooku doesn’t greet him warmly. He doesn’t explain what kind of Master he will be. He simply looks at the boy kneeling in front of him and says, flatly, “You’re frightened.”
Qui-Gon hasn’t spoken yet, but Dooku already sees through him. After hearing his new Jedi Master’s words, Qui-Gon believes he should deny what he is feeling in that moment. It is only when Dooku prompts him again, saying, “Well? Have you no response to my observation?”, that Qui-Gon is forced to answer.
At first, Qui-Gon thinks he should give a simple response and deny it outright. He tells himself that he is not afraid. But even as he considers saying it, he knows that denying his fear would be dishonest. In the end, Qui-Gon chooses to speak truthfully. He admits what he is feeling and answers, “I am, Master.”
However, after that, Qui-Gon continues to explain that his fear is not truly of Dooku, but of himself.
Qui-Gon Was Afraid of Failing his Master
As the conversation continues in Master and Apprentice, Dooku presses Qui-Gon further. He asks him directly why he should be feared. It’s a question that forces Qui-Gon to stop hiding behind instinctive denial and actually think about what he’s feeling.
Qui-Gon realizes that his fear isn’t coming from Dooku’s presence or authority. He isn’t afraid of being punished, tested, or hurt. What unsettles him runs deeper than that. When he finally answers, he admits the truth: he’s afraid of not becoming a Jedi. Afraid of failing. Afraid of not being worthy.
He said “I’m afraid of not becoming a Jedi, but that doesn’t make me afraid of you Master. I’m afraid of failing. Of not being worthy”
After hearing Qui-Gon explaining, instead of wonder or calming Qui-Gon, Dooku given a compliment that Qui-Gon is a wise padawan, as because not like any other padawan they would deny their fear and speaking out with the Master like how Qui-Gon just did to Dooku.
Then Dooku continue his amusement “You proved yourself honest today. You demonstrated insight. And you convinced me of your intelligence. Anyone who begins to journey farther along the path of the Force should be afraid. The danger are many. The struggle is eternal.”
After that, Dooku suggests that Qui-Gon explore the Jedi Temple. He notes that Padawans often do not yet know every part of it, and encourages Qui-Gon to become more familiar with his new surroundings.